INFP

Wow! This post is even longer than the last one. Should ye decide to embarke upon its rambling depths, be ye forewarn'd! ;o)

Here it be...

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Amy found this article on introverts.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

Huh. And I thought I was just getting antisocial in my old age. (Same thing? ;o) )

I always thought I was an extrovert, because I really like people. I'm generally happy, friendly, and, I think, pretty open -- I mean, hey, I'm bearing my brain practically every day on these here internets! But when I think about it, I derive lots of things from socializing: pleasure, heart, learning. However, I don't derive energy from it. In fact, after a day of lots of interaction with lots of different people, I really need time to recharge my batteries. I'm not at all shy; in fact, I have no trouble at all talking to strangers. I just don't always "need" to. Sometimes after a day full of people, I just need to not talk for a while! Mom says that, during her breaks at work, she'd often just rather read a book or eat lunch with her own thoughts than sit around and chat. I certainly identify. However, unlike what the author of the article suggests, I don't (and I don't think Mom does, either) find extroverts boring or irritating -- quite the contrary! I even admire their ability to turn on a constant stream of effortless communication. But it can be frustrating how, in our society, you're expected to keep this up all the time.

I wonder if there's an assumption that being introverted means being misanthropic or unhappy? Maybe that's why people often mistake my general good nature with gregariousness -- if I'm happy or friendly, I must also be an extrovert. I wonder if this is why I sometimes feel like I disappoint my friends, because I give off the impression of needing more social interaction than I really do? Don't get me wrong, I'm no loner. Everyone needs friends. And I have some pretty cool friends. But I also don't have any problem being by myself either, and even need a pretty good measure of it in order to recharge. I've often scratched my head at the apparent need for most everyone I know to be socializing what seems like all the time. But maybe it's not them at all: I'm the weird one! According to this article, the majority of the population are extroverts: socializing is how they relax and re-energize. So what seems like "all the time" to me is pretty reasonable to everyone else.

It certainly is more practical to be wired that way. To be successful in school, your job, and relationships requires constant social interaction. It's a sign of leadership. This is what makes a person likeable and what makes them appear proactive. And because I can do this pretty well when I need to (I mean, I'm a teacher, for goodness' sake), I haven't let being introverted inhibit my success. It's just that it seems to take so much more effort for me than for others, and I really need my downtime in order to keep it up.

What gets me thinking about this is that it seems my predecessor at the school where I work was naturally very extroverted. From the sound of it, Elodie made her colleagues her life. And she had a marvellous time, and her German became perfect, and they all loved her and still miss her. I met her myself, and liked her enormously: she's funny, smart, friendly, and sincere.

But I'm slowly realizing that the other teachers expect me to be just like her. I mean, if one more person reminds me one more time about how she spent like 20 hours a day in the teachers' lounge, while giving me one more "meaningful look"...! What actually baffles me is that I do socialize with the other teachers. They're great. I lucked out in how fun and nice and interesting my coworkers are. I hang out and chat while at the school, and have gone out with them several times in the evenings and on weekends. But for one thing, they're not the only people I know here; and even if they were, do I have to spend all of my free time socializing in order to show that I like them and want to be a part of the group? I suppose so; it's part of living in an extroverted society. But compounding this is the fact that I'm also getting to know lots of other (German, I might add) people who have nothing to do with the school, and so it spreads me even thinner.

Because of this, I get the feeling that Frau Griesemer is worried about me. I've mentioned being able to talk to my family on the webcam at home, and now she seems to think that's what I do all the time, to the exclusion of getting to know my coworkers. Don't get me wrong, Frau Griesemer is fantastic. She bends over backward to make sure I'm happy and comfy and have opportunities to make the most of my time here. She even clips out newspaper articles about the region which she thinks I might find interesting, and leaves them in my box at work! But maybe this is just part of what is misunderstood about introverts? Sometimes, when I get home in the evening, I don't need to talk to anybody. I'm not sitting around bored and lonely and homesick, or holing up in my apartment and avoiding integrating into the city and the culture. In fact, a lot of my "alone time" includes exploring the city or going for long walks to check out other towns nearby. I just don't always need to be surrounded by a bunch of other people to do it.

But I can't complain. I mean, people like me and want to hang out and make sure I am enjoying myself here? How terrible! I guess it's just hard when you realize that in order to show your appreciation, you have to constantly be fighting your own nature. Sigh. Did I pick the wrong career path? Maybe I should be an arctic fisherman or something, so that in my free time I'm foaming at the mouth to have someone to talk to.

Okay, I've now spent over an hour posting on my blog. Maybe I am holing up in my apartment! ;o)