People often tell me that I don't have an accent when I speak German. Which I guess I don't, but honestly, this is simply the result of early exposure rather than of some incredible mastery of the language. Don't get me wrong, my German's pretty good; but I ain't a native speaker, and sometimes it would actually do a lot more good if people could hear this!
Because like any non-native speaker, I say things differently. I make grammatical mistakes and use the wrong verb prefix, all the little slips that one expects and forgives, or possibly doesn't even notice, when the speaker has an accent. But without an accent, there's a bizarre discord: the person sounds German, so there's no reason to expect any errors at all -- which means the smallest misstep comes streaking out like the wrong key played on a piano.
So it turns out, all not-having-an-accent really does is trade the vague indignity of sounding foreign for the much greater indignity of sounding, well, stupid! Or just appallingly weird, as when I use the wrong word for something and tell my hairdresser that my "roots" are growing out. (The word, in case you care to know, is Ansatz.)
I often feel compelled, therefore, to explicitly tell people that German is not my first language, especially in situations involving a barrage of technical jargon, i.e. from the insurance guy. But since this often doesn't help, it leaves me wondering just how much our perception is apparently fooled by what we hear. If she sounds like a German, she must be a German. For goodness' sake, my French teacher speaks flawlessly fabulous, colloquial, fluent, richly-vocabularied German; but because she also has a slight French accent, the other people in my class tell me that my German is better. Which it most certainly is not, if they stopped to listen to the words and not just the sound.
But I can no more seriously affect an American accent when speaking German than I can take on a German one in English. It's just how I talk!
Weird, what you can still discover after over 2.5 years abroad.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
A lesson from the pro
I love watching Bert handle conflict!
How is he so good at it?? I wish I were that brave and relaxed. I've watched him again and again, and still can't identify exactly how he manages to so seamlessly blend strong language with courtesy. He always listens to and acknowledges the other, yet he also always has the final say. What's especially marvelous is how artlessly this is achieved, too. He doesn't try to awe, or bully, or ingratiate, or use empty but impressive-sounding words. He's simply himself.
Maybe that's the whole secret: the man's natural confidence seems to be the consequence of a complete lack of self-consciousness. Even if he does something that would leave most people feeling sheepish -- say, arguing strongly in favor of a shortcut that proves to be a mistake -- he laughs at himself and apologizes and then just looks for other options. This is confidence. Not that swaggering, I-have-something-to-prove arrogance which insecure young men mistake for the appearance of self-assuredness; his is the sincere, almost innocent kind that we must have all had before we learned to be embarrassed. He sees and acknowledges his mistakes, but it doesn't occur to him to feel ashamed at being human.
I'm sure this must be where he derives that indefinable leadership quality. He never tries to take control of a group; but because he just always is in control of his surroundings, people -- I've seen this time and again -- inevitably end up rotating around him, looking to him for decisions.
This must be what people mean when they say women like confident men. They don't mean a pretentious asshole. Nor do they mean James Bond, who is a fun cartoon figure, but as a real man, would be a repellingly self-interested playboy who uses women like facial tissues. What is, in fact, hopelessly sexy is a man whose natural self-reliance comes from innate competence and the security to be himself.
Whatever it is -- whenever I get the opportunity to observe that boy thoroughly distributing some justice, it makes me want to drag him into the first secluded corner I can find!
How is he so good at it?? I wish I were that brave and relaxed. I've watched him again and again, and still can't identify exactly how he manages to so seamlessly blend strong language with courtesy. He always listens to and acknowledges the other, yet he also always has the final say. What's especially marvelous is how artlessly this is achieved, too. He doesn't try to awe, or bully, or ingratiate, or use empty but impressive-sounding words. He's simply himself.
Maybe that's the whole secret: the man's natural confidence seems to be the consequence of a complete lack of self-consciousness. Even if he does something that would leave most people feeling sheepish -- say, arguing strongly in favor of a shortcut that proves to be a mistake -- he laughs at himself and apologizes and then just looks for other options. This is confidence. Not that swaggering, I-have-something-to-prove arrogance which insecure young men mistake for the appearance of self-assuredness; his is the sincere, almost innocent kind that we must have all had before we learned to be embarrassed. He sees and acknowledges his mistakes, but it doesn't occur to him to feel ashamed at being human.
I'm sure this must be where he derives that indefinable leadership quality. He never tries to take control of a group; but because he just always is in control of his surroundings, people -- I've seen this time and again -- inevitably end up rotating around him, looking to him for decisions.
This must be what people mean when they say women like confident men. They don't mean a pretentious asshole. Nor do they mean James Bond, who is a fun cartoon figure, but as a real man, would be a repellingly self-interested playboy who uses women like facial tissues. What is, in fact, hopelessly sexy is a man whose natural self-reliance comes from innate competence and the security to be himself.
Whatever it is -- whenever I get the opportunity to observe that boy thoroughly distributing some justice, it makes me want to drag him into the first secluded corner I can find!
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